Making Friends with our dark side (the Shadow Self)
What is your Shadow Self / Shadow Work?
Chances are you’ve heard the term “shadow work”. This comes up quite a bit in the therapy, wellness, mental health space and without even knowing the true definition one can surmise that it means working through the heavy parts of our minds and emotions.
I like to think of our shadow self as the person behind the mask. We have the person that is socially acceptable that we show up as on a regular basis, and the person underneath that comes out only in the comfort of our own home. This is the parts of us that we either know about and don’t want to claim (or reject), or the parts that we bury down so deep we don’t even realize it’s a part of us. They usually are tied to primitive and negative emotions.
Why should I make friends with my Shadow Self?
It will cultivate self-discovery and a better awareness of how we operate
The deeper we’ve gone with ourselves and the more we accept ourselves, the deeper we can go with others and accept them for who they are (and maybe not take things so personally)
Will open up some space to find opportunities to change or leave behind what’s no longer serving you
Build compassion and respect for ourselves
Be able to get to our ‘next level’, we have to shed things before we can grow
How to figure out the dark sides of yourself?
Set the vibe and journal….
Your failure to set boundaries
Things that trigger you
Patterns of behavior that aren’t best for you
Where we’ve established our role as the victim in certain scenarios (jobs that didn’t work out, breakups, arguments with our loved ones, failed projects/goals, etc)
How we subconsciously judge others (at the gym, work, online, etc)
Your triggers or things that activate an emotional response in you that may cause you to rely on old ways of being or fall into destructive habits
Issues we project onto others (cheaters that are controlling and jealous, or someone with low self-esteem thinking people aren’t friendly)
Final words
Sweeping the dust of our shadow self under the rug will only cause more issues in the long-run. To embrace and understand it is a true gift.
We deserve to not only accept the parts of ourselves that we like, but also the parts that are not so cute but that are raw and real
Less shame, confusion, judgement towards yourself and others and more acceptance and understanding
This will open up space for us and let us release grudges and resentments we’ve either held onto to towards others and ourselves and we can grow and expand to the next experience we’re meant to have
You can hear this on Episode 14 of my Podcast, Pep Talks with Mal.
