Episode 60: A Guide to Living in Alignment (following your intuition and path to expansion)
Over the last year and a half, I’ve embarked on a personal journey towards living in alignment. Sure, I’ve had moments before of increased motivation to be healthier or to pursue a specific goal, but this feels different…
It’s more a sense of engaging with my life intentionally from a holistic perspective versus a segmented one.
The idea of getting “into alignment” started to speak to me the more I realized I wasn’t excited about my life and I was just going through the motions. It’s not a great feeling to wake up everyday and not be inspired, motivated, or even connected to your life.
I wondered why I was feeling this way. I was determined to do whatever I needed to do to change and become in alignment.
What does it mean to live in alignment?
Living in alignment happens when our thoughts, feelings, and actions support our values, passions, purpose, and highest good.
We have a vision or connection with our higher self (or favorite self), and we practice living that truth in each present moment.
Alignment means conscious living that allows us to experience life in a way that is authentic, unique, and meaningful to us as individuals.
Our lives as a whole follow are intentional - from our sense of self, to wellness, to relationships, to finances & career
Importance of aligning your thoughts, words, and actions
When our thoughts, words, and actions aren’t aligned we are prone to living in ways that reflect someone else’s standards, preferences, and beliefs. We become disconnected to our lives and it can cause feelings of hopelessness, discouragement, disengagement, sadness, boredom, and resentment.
We build confidence and trust in ourselves each time we take aligned action. We’re also advocating for ourselves and ensuring that our needs and desires are being met. We no longer think we’re in the wrong just for having wanting and needing to have certain experiences in our lives.
We begin to take initiative with our lives and are able to find more compassion towards ourselves, which allows us to have a more optimistic perspective and acceptance towards our true feelings. When we’re able to face our feelings (even when they’re uncomfortable), we become aware of the thoughts, beliefs, and actions that are holding us back.
Benefits of living an aligned life
Increased self-awareness and understanding
Authenticity
Positive Energy
Intentionality
Inner peace
Self-actualization
Personal fulfillment
Meaningful connections
Part 1: Identifying Your Values
My first step to seeking alignment was creating a “North Star” to light my path. This meant getting clear on my values, priorities and how I wanted to feel on a day to day basis. I took time to myself to daydream about when I feel my best and what aspects are at the foundation of who I am.
I realized my values are: Spirituality, Self-Expression, & Connection
This means I’m out of alignment when I feel out of sync with my intuition, I feel afraid to express myself, and I feel disconnected from myself and others.
Discover your core values
You can find a list of values online to get started. I recommend sticking to your top 3 so it’s easy to keep in mind.
You can even look to your venus placement in your birth chart as well to discover how the house and sign it’s in can inspire what you value and love. For example: my venus (values) is in Taurus in the 9th house, so it’s no surprise that I prioritize Spirituality, Self-Expression, and Connection (leaning into the 9th house themes of expansion and learning).
Reflect on times where you’ve felt really excited, inspired, and fully engaged with something or experienced pure joy… those can be clues to what you value, appreciate, and resonates with you on a deeper level.
If this feels overwhelming, just know that you can always change them as you become more clear on what they are for you.
How your values shape your decisions and actions
When we have our list of your values, it becomes pretty evident why certain aspects our lives are causing us trouble. We realize the decisions we’ve been making have being going directly against all that we stand for and care about.
This awareness is key because then we can dig deeper and discover how these challenges are self-imposed and how we can begin to take more aligned action using our values as the map.
When we make decisions, we can look to our values as a guide to know if the decision is in alignment with who we are and what we really want for ourselves.
Any time we’re feeling lost or not like ourselves, we can turn to our values for re-alignment.
Journal to gain clarity… (you’ll need this part for later)
Daydream about what living in alignment would feel like for you
What could living in alignment look like for you based on those feelings?
When do you feel most inspired and excited?
When do you feel most grounded and at peace?
When do you feel most like your highest self?
I invite you to create a vision board for yourself that reflects your idea of an aligned life (I like to make my in Pinterest and make a new one each year “Manifest 2024”)
part 2: Aligning Your Thoughts
Unfortunately, most of the time it’s not as simple as discovering your top 3 values, then miraculously changing your life overnight. Many times we have negative beliefs that are holding us back from aligning with our values. Subconsciously, we may not believe we’re worthy and this mindset can have us unknowingly self-sabotaging our efforts or lacking the motivation needed to make the bold changes needed to become aligned.
When we’re caught up in our day to day, it can be easy to brush off the feeling of being misaligned.
Is this the right job? Am I in the right relationship? Will I ever feel like myself again? Have I ever felt like myself? I’m too drained to do anything. Why do I always feel on edge when I run into so-in-so? I feel isolated and disconnected from myself. Nothing seems to ever go right. I’m so tired of my routine.
Honestly, do we even have the time to reflect on how we’re feeling?
Are we prepared to face the truth knowing it will incite chaos and change?
Probably not.
And that’s ok… because we just have to be gentle with our brains and feelings as we uncover the heart of the matter.
Negative thought patterns vs Intuition
It can be a challenge to recognize what is out of alignment for us when our limiting beliefs and negative thoughts are begging for our attention all day.
When we’re starting to become inspired by what our aligned life could look like, it usually isn’t long until we convince ourselves that we’re asking for too much and there’s no way that’s realistic to expect.
How do we know what is our intuition versus our fears? What if we convince ourselves it’s intuition, but we’re actually just falling back into some unhealthy pattern or coping skill?
Intuition
feels calm
sense of clarity
may range from being a faint recurring thought or an intense immediate inner knowing
Fear
feels rushed
causes confusion
may sound like a lot of “I should because…”, “I shouldn’t because…”, “What if…?”, making excuses for yourself or others
Notice how your body feels in certain experiences. Even when your mind doesn’t know, your body knows.
NO = rigid, constricted, repulsed, small, disconnected, tension, pressure, tightness, heavy, fatigue
YES = relaxed, energized, lightness, warmth, connection, expansion, ease, openness, gratitude
When in doubt, just wait to gain clarity while committing to understand your intuition and honest feelings on a deeper level.
Reframing thoughts to align with your values
In order to attract what we want into our life we have to be on the same wavelength and vibe. Our reality is a reflection of our thoughts & emotions.
When we are aware of thoughts we notice just how much they influence us in how we feel and what actions we decide to take. This is mostly a subconscious process that we go through, all day everyday.
The first step is to just begin to notice your thoughts - without judgment or correction. Just observe. What are the thoughts that seem to be recurring?
As you get comfortable being more aware of your thoughts, begin to get curious with them. Ask what is underneath the thought.
Then you can reframe the judgmental and minimizing thought into a more constructive, compassionate one. Maybe you notice you keep thinking to yourself “I never show up consistently for my creative projects”…. you could reframe that to “I’ve shown up to create 3 nights this week even though I was tired after work”
Mindfulness and self-awareness practices
JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL! Please! This will give you awareness of any patterns and themes that are recurring in your life, give you access to all your honest feelings over a period of time, and hold you accountable to prioritizing your wants and needs.
Practice following your intuition on a daily basis. Giving that girl in line at the post office a compliment on her outfit, deciding to try that new pizza spot for dinner, or even what music to listen to. The more you follow the more tuned in you’ll get.
Be mindful of the information and media you’re taking in on a daily basis. It’s good to be in the know, but just know that you’re picking up and sometimes carrying that energy.
part 3: Aligning Your Words
This new awareness of my thoughts had me realizing I gravitated towards negativity more often than not. Then it became increasingly obvious that the way I spoke took on a negative tone as well. Maybe I was quick to complain to a friend about a minor inconvenience, or had less patience while driving or at the grocery store.
Of course that’s going to happen, we’re going to vent and chat about how we feel. But if we notice it happens quite often, then maybe it’s a chance to find balance and focus on what’s going well for us because it can’t all be bad.
The other piece of this is actually being honest with how we’re feeling and what we’re wanting and needing then communicating that with yourself and others then holding everyone to it.
Not an easy task, but an interesting and necessary challenge nonetheless.
Positive self-talk and gratitude
When we can recognize the all the good in the present moment, and the glimmers from our day our mindset shifts and almost suddenly our world opens up and we feel some sense of hope and possibility.
When we realize we’re having heavy thoughts, all we can do is try our best to be understanding and compassionate with ourselves. This openness allows us to dig deeper and realize just what it is that we’re needing.
I find that verbally expressing gratitude and speaking to the Universe (or to a higher power/consciousness, angels, spirit guides, or loved ones that have passed) significantly helps in feeling supported and connected with the energy of love, gratitude, and alignment. Ask for signs to encourage you on your journey.
Communicating authentically and honestly
First you need to understand what you’re asking for and get honest about what’s inspiring you to want or need this.
Example: maybe you’re asking your boss for a raise or maybe you need to have a conversation on expectations in your relationship.
Be as clear as possible about what you’d like to communicate and anticipate questions that might come up.
You may outline talking points of what is prompting to ask for a pay raise, what you’ve achieved, how you’ve saved the company money, and how much you’re asking for
Be real with yourself about what you hope to gain from the conversation as this will help you know if the conversation was successful with your intentions.
For the initial conversation, maybe your goals is just to have your boss listen to your pitch with a date of when you can expect to know their response about the raise
Setting boundaries and saying no
When we know what we want and need, we’re in the empowering position of asking for it and simply observing the actions of ourselves/others and assessing whether or not that meets the want/need.
If it does, amazing.
If it does not, we have got to do something to change whatever is in our control.
If our boundaries become crossed multiple times or it’s clear priorities and expectations are different (i.e. misaligned) then…. we have to be real with what we’re willing to entertain and engage with. Are we willing to wholeheartedly accept things or people as they are?
Note: boundaries and learning to say no can also apply to ourselves as individuals. The more we show up for ourselves, the more we build our confidence and trust that we’ll have our back. Building up our sense of self makes aligning thoughts, words, and actions a hell of a lot easier (because as you can see, living in alignment takes courage and getting out of our comfort zone).
part 4: Aligning Your Actions
It’s one thing to dig into your psyche to uncover hidden feelings, desires, and truths… it’s another to DO something about them.
f*ck
This part of the process can test your patience, courage, and determination. That’s why it’s so crucial to feel like you have support from yourself, loved ones, a therapist or coach, and a higher power.
The point here is to focus on YOU. When I was in my journey and finally ready to face uncomfortable truths, I had to recognize where I was playing a part in all of this. It was easier to try to control the situation, but the real results happen when we refocus on ourselves and what we have a capacity to change. The more we can do this, the more evident it will be what’s in alignment with us because we have a deeper connection and understanding of ourselves.
Identifying areas of misalignment in your life
Grab your journal where you outlined your top 3 values and the journal prompts from earlier
Reflect on the main areas of your life: sense of self, wellness, connection, passions, career, finances
Reflect on what feels out of alignment at the moment: certain routines, experiences, responsibilities, spaces, people?
Reflect on how you know when you’re out of alignment: how do you feel? what are habits you get into? any other signs?
Making changes to align your actions with your values
In my process I realized the one thing that I wanted the most was having a better connection with my intution. I felt strongly that if I could gain clarity on my intuition, it was make the path to alignment that much more in flow and meaningful.
So if my goal was to gain clarity around my intuition, I had to figure out what I could do to cultivate that connection. While also bringing in my values of spirituality, self-expression, and connection.
I was so eager to make a change, I started waking up at 5:30am to have enough space in my day to connect with ‘me’ by journaling. I wanted to do this before I took on any energy that wasn’t my own. This practice became sacred as I consistently looked forward to time with just myself. It felt like peace and home.
This practice allowed me to experience my top 3 values and my goal of understanding my intuition at the same time. I highly recommend finding a ritual that resonates with you and your values - it makes it simple and easier to commit to.
Developing aligned habits and routines
Here are a few ideas…
Getting plenty of rest
Drinking water and eating well
Moving your body
Alone Time daily
Time to reflect, journal, and get real about your thoughts/feelings/ideas/musings daily
Solo Dates - connecting with self in a fun, nurturing, playful way
Gratitude
Creating, having fun
Literally whatever inspires and speaks to you…. anything that feels like it will benefit you in your day and that can even mean doing something just because it makes you happy
part 5: Obstacles to Living in Alignment
Truthfully, many times we’re living out of alignment because we don’t believe we deserve more. We may feel comfortable and scared to change what feels “normal”, even if it doesn’t always feel great. We may convince ourselves that it won’t work out for us as a way to avoid rejection, failure, loss, etc.
TBH we have more to lose when we stick to what’s meeting the bare minimum.
It’s true that fortune favors the B O L D
Other times, we avoid making a change because it will disrupt what “most people” would deem as normal or acceptable or successful. An example from my own journey, was the pressure to get married by a certain age. I was in a long-term relationship that was heading in the direction of marriage. Instead of feeling sure about it I felt confused and anxious about it. Many of my thoughts lingered on “but what will people think?”, “what if I never get married?”, “will I be alone forever?”
I kept reminding myself that “other people” weren't the ones that would have to live with my decision. The majority of people don’t even know themselves deeply, so how would they know what I want and need and what’s best for me?
Now I’m confident that I know myself, better than I ever have. I trust that I’m on the right path so long as I follow my heart and intuition.
If I was able to align with my path and gain clarity around my intuition, I know you can as well because it was feeling murky as HELL there for a minute.
part 6: Finding Balance and Harmony
Simply put — we’re in alignment when we feel good, and when we feel good we call in more abundance into our lives.
thechiclife.com
Integrating all aspects of your life
Eventually, we begin to notice our thoughts, words, actions, and emotions starting to take shape into something that resembles alignment.
Holy shit, this actually works.
We notice a flow when it comes to our lives. We are focused on the good, and have faith that things are working out for you. We feel grateful for what we have and where we’re at. We feel re-energized, more like ourselves, and have a new sense of engagement with the various aspects of our lives.
We’ve relinquished full control, and yet somehow are better off for it… ;)
Prioritizing self-care and well-being
Through this process we have to remember to keep up with our self-care and wellness. This is truly the foundation on which everything else is built. When we take care of these things, we’ll be in a more constant state of alignment and in attunement with our higher selves.
Continue to stay open to being guided by your intution.
Embracing the journey of growth and evolution
This process isn’t for the weak to say the least. We’re going to have to show up in ways that are different and probably uncomfortable if we want our lives to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Take baby steps and remember to celebrate even the small wins.
now go do you, be you, for you
Alignment means giving yourself permission and authority to go after whatever inspires and excites you.
Alignment means pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones and into meaningful opportunities and connections.
Alignment means being intentional with our precious time and energy.
As you go through your own journey of alignment, I hope you know you’re not alone and it’s so worth the hard work to be able to realize your dreams on the other side. We’re also constantly changing, so being flexible and shifting as needed is a huge part of the process. What was in alignment for us at one point, might not be anymore and that’s ok.
You should be proud of yourself just for wanting more for yourself and being an advocate for your needs.
Remember to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this process and of course, if you need more support as you discover your own personal alignment, I invite you to schedule time together.
Sending love & the best vibes —
Mal
